Everything changes from this moment on...

A lot has changed in a year, well, a lot has changed since this past March.

It seems like when there is something on your mind that is extremely pressing, important or however you may describe it, those thoughts don't seem to go away. There are moments that you cannot control that seem to pop up here and there that will constantly remind you, without reason or explanation, you're reminded of what's going on when you try and forget (I'll get to that soon).

When someone close to you is told they have cancer, but it's treatable and that they have a very good chance to get through it, it still becomes difficult to understand what is going on when doctor's still have to put them through an immense amount of treatment in order to keep the cancer from spreading and developing before surgery. I've known her for over a year, and by the grace of God I was given a second chance to be with her and after a month and a half into the relationship, a doctor's visit checking on her recent back surgery, may have saved her life.

A tumor of about 9 centimeters was found in her lower back, around the area near where her back surgery took place, and was also repairing itself attempting to heal. She had been suffering from constant back pain and over the last few weeks, even with physical therapy, it wasn't progressing as one might think. After her doctor found a growth in her back, she got it check out and it was determined that it was indeed cancerous and would have to be removed.

Subsequently it is believed that with the cancer removed it will decrease her back pain, allowing the surgically repaired spot to heal correctly. Which is promising news in a situation of extreme circumstance.

It's difficult to actually admit that with a relationship on hold, that it is extremely hard; in knowing that what she is going through emotionally is magnified ten-fold compared to what I'm thinking/dealing with and not to mention the physical pain of the medicine that is keeping the cancer at bay.

The feelings are somewhat selfish in my opinion (of how I feel). I miss not seeing her and being with her, but at the same time, it is hard knowing that there is nothing I can do for her, except be understanding and accept that her family is going to be there for her.

My understanding of what she is going through is uncertain, as I have only known of one person to have cancer, a friend's younger brother (but we had grown a part in our friendship as the years went on in college). Basically, I don't have the slightest clue of how to act/help or anything of the sort.

She is extremely strong and somehow, incredibly understanding when we talk. There have been many times that I look back and think that I may have asked her too many questions or actually stayed too far away from her (in talking to her via the phone/text/etc) than she had hoped I would. It didn't happen on purpose, I had thought I was only going to get in the way with her family being around her at the moment, I should have made a better attempt to ask her first.

I find it amazing that she still makes time to get in touch with me, even in everything she is going through, I especially imagine that she has to take a large amount of her time to rest, as the medication takes a tole on her physically every day.

I was scared for many reasons when I found out, and the only one I feel comfortable discussing at the moment is my own fear of what would happen to my feelings for her as I would have to stay patient and be by her side, whether from afar or next to her. I didn't know how I would react, I've never been involved with someone that has had to deal with an illness other than the flu, I don't think that's too far from the truth really. In the last few weeks, nothing has changed in my feelings for her, except for me, I've felt as if they have grown for wanting to be with her more. Sure I've missed people in my life before (and when dating someone you miss them from time to time when you don't see them) but it's the connection that I feel with her that is always there, from the moment I get up in the morning, during meetings at work and lying in bed at night, I imagine her in some way shape and form, being right there with me, or wondering how she is feeling that moment. I can't say anyone has ever had that affect on me before. Not to take away from the relationships I've had in the past, or to put pressure on the one I have with her, but it is a great feeling to see that connection and believe she feels the same way.

I think there's someone upstairs (maybe, God?) who sends constant reminders, that HE or SHE knows will get your attention, in an attempt to just say "hey, you hang in there too, you know how much she means to you, this should only prove that." By reminders, I think mine come in the form of television or media aspects...for example:

-ESPN's ESPY Awards when former NBA Head Coach George Karl received the Jimmy V award for Perseverance for his work to fight through two bouts with cancer
-ESPN's "My Wish" on Sportscenter, began its first runs - a week ago - and I've managed to catch both, the latest of a boy who was 15 years old and his wish was to meet St. Louis Cardinal's MVP, Albert Pujols.
-While working today (July 21st) I am informed that actor James Gammon, who played manager "Lou Brown" in the Major League movies, passed away in the last few days, after his cancer came back after 2 and a half years, only too a more aggressive attack, and unfortunately ending his life.

There have been others that have occurred in the last two weeks, more than I can really count, but those are the most pressing and memorable at the moment.

Everything in your world changes from this point on when the chance of losing someone to any illness comes into your life. I can't say if being with her for every moment would make any of this easier or more difficult for myself or her, for myself it is comforting to hear that her family is doing every possible thing they can to be by her side through this.

My hope and my wish, is to have have her back in my arms where I believe she belongs.

It's time we took back our Politics

For a country that's spent nearly $975 trillion dollars since 2001 on two wars, where the media and common opinion didn't bat an eye at, spending $940 billion to make a national health care bill, sends everyone in an uproar. Don't get me wrong, I'm not 100% sold on the health care bill and there are parts of it that I don't like, but where was everyone when we began pumping money into a wild-goose chase. Didn't that scenario seem strange? That came out of our pocket too ya know, on average nearly $9,000 per household.

Here's the way I see it, granted it's just my opinion, but let's be honest, the American media has fueled your minds already about this health care bill, and there is only a select few who can honestly say they know what is going to happen when this bill hits the ground and goes into place. Being fooled by CNN, Fox, MSNBC and other news/media outlets alike, by letting their media minds control your vision.

One of two possible things will/can go down with this health care bill.

First - as you keep seeing on some news outlets, Insurance companies will begin to be held accountable for their actions. They won't be allowed to drop you when you get sick, even thought you've been paying your premiums (for example, and that does happen). All kids in the US cannot be denied health care.

I think there might be some of the misconceptions about how this will affect Medicare and other forms of the current state of your Private health care insurance. I don't have all the facts either way, I'm not claiming that.

Second - there's no doubt that the possibility that this bill is being created to get us out of a national debt. How you might ask? Good question, but the possibility is quite simple. It acts the same way your phone company, say Verizon, makes money off of your new phone service, that whole, "buy-one-get-one-free--AFTER-the mail in rebate." So you pay for that phone upfront...where does that money go? It goes into a bank, and while it sits in that bank for 30, 60 even 90 days, that money accrues interest, and when you times that by a few million people, that makes someone a lot of money.

Now put that into place when you have 100 million Americans paying their taxes for something that won't fully go into effect in the next year. A lot of these health care programs and ideas may not hit until 2014, that's a potential of 4 years worth of interest being built up on your taxes from this year, 2011, 2012, and 2013. That's a lot of money.

The second (above) is speculation, I've heard it once on Fox News that there was speculation and it was quickly shot down in the debate that it was possible, as it is merely hearsay, but entirely possible. Just think about it, what would you expect the government to do with tax money that is sitting waiting for something to go into effect 4 years from now?

Let's face it, health care is coming. I do agree that I have no interest in paying for the health insurance for the people who are unwilling to go to work and keep a job in order to pay their own personal premiums on health insurance.

This is a large step (unless you refuse to see it in a positive light) into our country keeping a checks & balance system on businesses that control a large part of our well-being. Here's a second example, what about the housing market and all those bad loans that were written in the late 90s until the mid-2000s? CNBC a few months ago ran a story on how people are losing their homes because (for example) they were given a $300,000 loan, when the potential home buyer's net income was under $40,000 or worse. Major corporations were lumping good loans with an AAA rating with bad loans and packaging them out to foreign investors as if they were all good loans.

What do you think happened when those foreign investors realized that they were getting bad loans? Yea, they stopped loaning their money to those corporations, thus making it harder to get a home loan, as well as getting people with these large loans into payment troubles when the market went south.

The POINT - the point here is, someone needs to regulate when a business makes purposeful hidden moves, for financial gain, and when they get caught, they attempt to punish the people who were approved for such a large loan. This runs the same when health insurance drops you when you get the flu or a broken arm, yet, you have a PRIVATE insurance plan, that you pay, on time and in full. What's the difference between the two scenarios? Nothing, they're both wrong.

If the government can control and regulate Television and the Internet, isn't it about time that someone was making sure that Private businesses that dominate the market with a monopoly that runs at its own pace, be looked at to make sure it is being done properly and at the best interest of the buyer? We're not talking about cars, but wait, the government does have standards for American and Foreign auto makers when making their cars safe for the American public.

Damn...and I thought that the government being involved in our society made us all communists. Um...oh wait, that's what our government is supposed to do, REGULATE what we have and keep the standards high to give us the best that we can get.

I really don't get how everyone has this vision that President Obama is bringing us to a Socialist society, if you look back in the history books in which you read in grade school, government has been an extremely active part of our lives, well before we were born. Whether it was creating regulations on our rail-road system or when we first stuck oil.

My opinion, as a country, we're letting the media dominate our confusion, and it's about time we all learn the facts, myself included. If I'm completely wrong and need to be corrected, just like I say to what I see on television, show me some facts, I'm looking for them too.

Welcome to the Big Show Kiddo

My nephew Brixton Alexander Nasatka was born this morning at 6:46am, 6lbs 13oz, 21 inches long.

I will be heading back to Maryland in a few days (battling a cold) to meet the little guy. I'll post a picture soon!

Welcome to the world little guy!

I woke up and felt like I was 7 years old again...Blizzard of '10

I woke up on Feb 6th, 2010 and thought I had traveled back in time to December of 1993. Partly because I had just watched two more episodes of season 5 of LOST, where they are dealing with time travel (spoiler post-lert), so I was a little shocked to see 14 inches of snow outside my window.

Not only was I up at 9:30am on a Saturday, which doesn't seem so early anymore. If anything, I feel like I'm 7-8 years old again, getting up for early morning cartoons. Only difference this time, with the power going in and out, I felt it was a good idea to take my mom's advice from when I was a kid, and leave the tv off.

It was pretty cool to see this level of snow. Minus the fact that if it cancels a day of work on Monday (which odds are getting better as the day goes on with the sun out), we would all be majorly back-logged on shows and work for the games this week.

Well, we've got a party to get ready for, so here's to the Snow Blizzard of 2010. Party on Wayne...Party on Garth.